Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
