I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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