there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
