I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize