I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
