There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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