You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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