Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
