i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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