I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The adults are the big ones right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
