If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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