I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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