I think my vagina is haunted
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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