what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
