I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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