you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
