I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
