I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
