its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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