I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
