I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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