I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
birth control should be required to get into college
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize