I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
