Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
