Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
