i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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