I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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