Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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