That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
