we have officially lost it.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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