I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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