i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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