yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
