Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
