At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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