so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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