I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
