I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
