im holly from the hills drunk
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
