Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize