My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
