I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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