Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
