i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
