He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
