And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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