Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
