To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
