I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
