It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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