i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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