I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
