update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
