wakey wakey hands off snakey
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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