Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
