I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
