Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
