I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
