Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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