Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
