Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
