i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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