remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
