Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
wow bdsm is so cute
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
