But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
