I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Drunk walkin through police station. America
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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