Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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