Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
do nipples grow back?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
