All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
