fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
