Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
