I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
