Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
