I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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