And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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