Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
