the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He did a backflip because drugs
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