I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
