you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Randomize