we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
