I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
