Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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