I love black thongs
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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