Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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