OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Randomize
