So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
