oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
