She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
