I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
