I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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