If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
