You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize