It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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