so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The feeling are messing with the penis
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
