had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
