Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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